Finding God in the Messy Middle

I don't have all the answers, and I'm not an expert, but I have learned a few things about simplifying life as a mom of kids with special needs. I've learned these lessons while going through postpartum and seasonal depression. I'm still facing some difficulties, but hopefully the worst is behind me. God has seen me through the most difficult season, and I want to encourage everyone in a similar situation: God is with you. With His strength, Mom, you can do this!

PARENTINGANXIETY AND DEPRESSIONWHEN LIFE IS HARD

Mildred White

11/5/20266 min read

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There are seasons of motherhood when I feel like I'm barely keeping my head above water. Between caring for my children, navigating the unique challenges of raising children with special needs, managing the endless responsibilities of home, and trying to show up as the wife, mom, and woman God has called me to be, life can feel overwhelming.

If you care for a child with special needs, you know what I mean. If you know someone who does, you may recognize these challenges, too.

My son, Mikey, has Down syndrome. He learned to walk at two and a half years old and was potty trained at seven. Now, at 16, he still needs supervision and support. Many times, I wish he could take part in everyday activities and manage self-care the way neurotypical kids can. I still brush his teeth to help prevent tooth decay. I might be overprotective, but dental office trauma is real, and I am trying to prevent him from experiencing it.

Mikey has come a long way in self-care and social skills, and I am thankful. Still, sometimes I feel sad that he is not able to ride his bike, swim, participate in a birthday party, or have a close friend other than his parents. I also wish he could learn to drive and prepare for a career so he could live independently and have a family of his own in the future.

When I think about those hopes for Mikey, I also ask myself, “Is he happy and content with his life?” The answer is a definite yes. Maybe that is enough.

My daughter moved out this year and is now living on her own despite struggling with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Getting there has not been easy. My girl has been through a lot, but she’s a fighter. She made it through high school despite panic attacks and anxiety episodes. Those days were stressful and scary, but God held us in His loving arms and carried us through.

The Lord is good.

Alongside the everyday demands of caring for my family, winter brings its own challenges.

When the days grow shorter, the sunshine becomes scarce, and the gray skies seem to linger forever, I find myself struggling even more. Seasonal depression has a way of making even the simplest things feel difficult. Getting out of bed, getting ready for work, preparing dinner, or finding the energy to be present with my family can sometimes feel like climbing a mountain with a 50-lb backpack.

In these moments, I find myself begging God to help me slow down, simplify my life, and remember what truly matters.

I'm learning that simplifying life isn't about creating the perfect home, establishing flawless routines, or becoming a more productive mom. It's about making room for God in the middle of the life I already have—and recognizing that His love, grace, and purpose are not dependent on how well I manage it all.

Learning to Release the Pressure

I think one of the hardest things about motherhood is the invisible pressure we put on ourselves. We want to be patient, intentional, organized, nurturing, spiritually grounded, and emotionally available. We want to give our children everything they need while somehow maintaining a beautiful home and a healthy marriage. In short, we strive for perfection.

When you're raising children with special needs, the demands can look totally different. There are appointments, therapies, additional responsibilities, unexpected challenges, and days when your plans need to change completely. Sometimes, simply making it through the day is an accomplishment.

I'm learning to give myself permission to let go of unrealistic expectations.

The house doesn't have to be spotless. Dinner doesn't have to be elaborate. Every moment doesn't need to be filled with meaningful activity. And I don't have to say yes to every opportunity or commitment.

Matthew 11:28 reminds me of Jesus' invitation to come to Him when we are weary and burdened. He doesn't ask me to prove that I'm capable of handling everything. He invites me to rest in Him.

What a beautiful reminder that I don't have to earn rest, and I don't have to earn His love.

Finding God in the Ordinary

For a long time, I thought growing in my relationship with God required a quiet morning, a beautiful cup of coffee, an open Bible, and uninterrupted time to pray.

But motherhood has taught me that uninterrupted time is not always realistic.

I'm learning to look for God in the ordinary moments of my day. A whispered prayer while preparing breakfast. A worship song playing in the background while folding laundry. A few verses of Scripture read before the house wakes up—or after everyone finally goes to bed.

Sometimes my prayer is simply, "Lord, help me."

And sometimes that's enough to remind me that I'm not walking through this day alone.

Deuteronomy 6:6–7 encourages us to weave God's Word into the everyday rhythms of life. I love the reminder that faith isn't something we have to squeeze into our schedules. It can become part of the way we live, love, serve, and care for our families.

Simplifying My Life Means Protecting My Peace

I'm slowly discovering that a simpler life often begins with saying no to things that don't serve the season God has placed me in.

That might mean fewer commitments, simpler meals, less time scrolling through social media, or choosing to spend an afternoon at home instead of filling our calendar.

It also means being intentional about the things that truly matter.

I've found that small, manageable routines can make a big difference. For me, those routines include preparing a few things the night before, keeping meals simple, and focusing on just a handful of priorities each day. These habits help me feel less overwhelmed.

But perhaps the most important thing I'm learning is that simplifying my life also means simplifying my expectations of myself.

I don't need to do everything today. I don't need to have everything figured out. I just need to take the next faithful step.

Giving Myself Grace in the Hard Seasons

Seasonal depression can make it difficult to recognize the goodness around me. Sometimes I know the truth of God's promises in my mind, but my heart struggles to feel them.

On those days, I'm learning not to condemn myself for feeling tired, discouraged, or overwhelmed.

God's grace meets me there, too.

Second Corinthians 12:9 reminds us that His grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in weakness.

I don't have to pretend that everything is okay to exercise faith. I can bring my sadness, exhaustion, frustrations, and fears before the Lord. I can ask for help. I can lean on my husband, family, friends, and others who remind me that I don't have to carry everything alone.

And I can remember that seeking support for my mental and emotional well-being is not a failure of faith. God can work through prayer, community, rest, and professional help.

Remembering My Purpose in This Season

Sometimes I wonder whether I'm accomplishing anything meaningful when so much of my day is spent on the little things.

But I'm beginning to understand that motherhood is not a distraction from God's purpose for my life. It is one of the ways He is shaping me and using me.

I see that shaping in the extra patience required to care for my children, the compassion I'm learning, and the dependence on God that grows when I realize I cannot do everything in my own strength.

These things matter.

Colossians 3:23 encourages us to do everything wholeheartedly, as for the Lord. Even the most ordinary tasks can become meaningful acts of love when we offer them to Him.

And I need to remember that my identity is not limited to what I do for my family. Before I am a mom, a wife, or anything else, I am a daughter of God. I am loved, known, and created with purpose.

That truth gives me room to breathe.

A Grace-Filled Invitation to Begin Again

If you're a mom who feels overwhelmed, especially in the darker, colder months, I want to remind you that you don't have to transform your entire life overnight.

Start small.

Spend a few minutes with the Lord. Simplify one thing in your home. Take a walk when the sun is shining. Ask someone for help. Let go of something that is weighing you down.

And when tomorrow doesn't go as planned, begin again.

I'm learning that a simpler life isn't necessarily a life with fewer responsibilities. It's a life centered on the One who gives those responsibilities meaning.

God is present in the beautiful moments, the difficult moments, and all the ordinary moments in between.

His love is constant. His grace is sufficient. His purpose is still unfolding.

And for today, that is enough.

One small step. One moment of grace. One day at a time.