Loved for Who I Am, Not What I Do

The Lord is kind and loving. His love is not based on our performance; He simply loves us.

I’ve known the Lord for over 30 years now, and I’m still trying to wrap my mind around this truth. Growing up, I thought the only way to feel accepted and loved was to achieve great feats and accomplish impressive things in life. So, I tied my own value and worth to my performance and achievements; they became my identity. I believed that if I didn’t do anything productive on a daily basis, I wouldn’t be worth anything.

This is how I lived my life for so many years, even after I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. And this is how I raised my daughter; I kind of pushed her to achieve more since she has a lot of potential. But she has never been about achievement. She loves people and enjoys spending time with friends. When she was young, I anticipated a great performance from her when I let her join ballet, swimming, gymnastics, and more. She did okay, but she loved being with other kids much more. I wondered about this but kept it in my heart.

Then my second child was born with Down syndrome. We call him Mikey. He missed every milestone as a baby. He never learned how to crawl; instead, he scooted on his butt. He learned to walk at two and a half years old after six months of physical therapy, was potty trained at seven years old, and is still in therapy for speech impairment to this day.

I felt I was never doing enough as a mom. I remember feeling so defeated and exhausted at the end of the day with nothing to show for it. My performance meter was down the drain, and so was my self-worth.

My son started going to public school at five years old and was in a co-ed pre-kindergarten class. He attended his reading and math class with a special education teacher. She was Mikey’s special education teacher throughout pre-kindergarten through 5th grade.

Although Mikey was physically and developmentally delayed, Pre-K was a breeze because he already learned his basic sight words, colors, numbers, and letters at home before he turned five—thanks to flashcards! He moved on to kindergarten without any issues. His growth and development were slow but steady until he reached first grade, where he lagged further behind.

His first-grade teacher complained a lot about Mikey’s behavior in her class. He couldn’t keep up with the other kids, so the teacher thought it was a good idea to put him in “exile” whenever he misbehaved and disrupted her class. He had to sit alone at his desk and was given "work" to do. And there, in his little corner, alone and separated from the rest, he would play with his pens and crayons and loved playing under his desk. Mikey was the only kid with special needs in that class, and how he was treated broke my heart.

I worked closely with Mikey’s special education teacher. She’s awesome! Together, we figured out that what Mikey needed more than academic achievement was for us to assist him so he could grow in his social skills—to learn how to express his thoughts and emotions and how to engage in conversation with other kids and adults. We simply accepted that Mikey would not be able to learn math, read, and function like his peers.

Mikey continued to lag academically, but instead of pushing him to reach a milestone, we learned to accept where he’s at. We celebrated his progress, however small. He blossomed and was happier after we changed our approach to his education. He is now a freshman in high school and is enjoying alternative education and Unified Basketball. No stress, no pressure. Just love and acceptance.

What I learned from this experience

This realization was an important lesson that shattered my belief that a person can only feel loved and accepted, and live a happy and fulfilled life, by achieving a high socio-economic status and accomplishing great things, such as earning a bachelor’s degree or even a postgraduate education, having a great career and climbing up the corporate ladder, building a nice house, having a nice car, and doing what everybody else is doing. Boy, was I wrong! What Jesus taught me through my son was that I am loved and accepted, and I can feel content just by being. For us Christians, this means finding contentment and joy not in doing, but in knowing who we are in Christ and what He has done for us.

Our identity as children of God was given to us and we didn’t have to do anything or perform well to earn it. We were given the privilege of enjoying a relationship with Him simply by believing in Jesus! It was freely given!

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12

Our identity is in Christ. We are who God says we are. We are God’s children, not because we worked hard for it, but because of Jesus’ death. His blood bought us so we can live, and now we are His.

4 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, 5 made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. 6 And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus.
Ephesians 2:4-6

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

We don’t have to work to earn God’s love and salvation. He loves us because that is His character and because we are His children. He has already done so much for us, including paying for our sins on the cross even before we knew Him! What an awesome and loving God we have!

But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9 not by works, so that no one can boast. Ephesians 2:8-9

Our worth is not based on our performance or achievements, but rather on our relationship with God as His children. We are sons and daughters of the Great and Mighty King—the King of kings and Lord of lords! That makes us royalty. He has even made us co-heirs with Christ!

And “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.” 2 Corinthians 6:18

Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, 'Abba, Father.' So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir. Galatians 4:6-7

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ... Romans 8:16-17

We don’t do good works to earn God’s love; we do good works because that’s how He created us—to do the good works the Lord had planned for us before we were born.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10

Remember this:

• You are His. You were bought with the blood of Jesus.

• You are God’s child.

• You are a co-heir with Christ.

• You are more than a conqueror in Christ. Romans 8:37

• You are loved! Romans 8:38-39

37…in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:37-39

And the more we embrace our identity as God’s children, the more we will look like Him!

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